Question of Origin
by Baron Hausenpheffer
Summary: During some time off, Seras finally asks Alucard a question that's been bothering her for a while... Pretty funny please read and review!


Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing. In fact, I'm so poor that I can't even afford Hadessing! So don't sue me!

Author Note: Despite the presence of Pip Bernadette, this takes place in the **anime**. To tell the truth, I couldn't resist putting him in here! The "Brittanica Cowboy" is a personal favorite of mine, one of Hellsing's most memorable characters, and (in my opinion) one of the only things that make the manga worth reading. Anyway, this is still anime-based; my reason for this is that I explain a previously unclear aspect of the anime herein. Now, on to the fic! **HUZZAH!**

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Seras walked briskly toward the Hellsing barracks, carrying her Halconnen cannon on her shoulder. It was "weapon-cleaning day", a chore that Walter usually supervised. However, the butler had come down with a particularly nasty cold, so he deputized Alucard to ensure that the men kept their weaponry in good working order. Pushing the door open, Seras saw that everything seemed to be in good order. The men, regular and mercenary alike, were sitting in chairs or on the side of their beds, cleaning their rifles. Alucard sat in a chair in the center, cleaning his .454 Casull with a white cloth and looking up every now and again to make sure the soldiers were still doing their duty.

"_I had my doubts, but Master looks like he's doing an admirable job,_" Seras mused. "_It was pretty clever of Walter, really. Alucard is so intimidating that I can't imagine anyone having the guts to back-talk him!_"

Seras walked over and pulled up a chair next to the red-clad vampire. "Enjoying yourself, Master?" she asked.

"Somewhat," he replied. "All of this 'routine weapon upkeep' is tiring, but I do get a kick out of giving these fools 'the evil eye'! Hahaha! You would think that they would've learned by now that I won't harm them, but they still jump every time I give them that glare."

Alucard wrinkled his nose slightly as he looked to his left. "Except that one..." he muttered.

Seras followed his gaze until it led her to none other than Pip Bernadette! Seras had to place her hand over her mouth to keep from guffawing: he was sitting on his bed, shirtless and singing some French song off-key and at the top of his lungs!

"Haha! I wouldn't worry about him, Master," Seras giggled. "_That_ bloke doesn't care who you are; he'd still be belting out all of that noise whether you were Sir Integra, the Queen, or Satan himself! Still, I suppose that fearlessness is what makes him such a good soldier."

"Oh! Police girl!" Pip exclaimed, catching sight of her. He hopped off of his bed, rushed over, and pulled up a seat.

"Hello, Commander Bernadette..." Seras groaned.

"I'm so glad you're here, Seras!" he said teasingly. "I've been cleaning this Luger, but I'd much rather polish _your_ guns!"

_**SLAP!!!**_

"ARRRRGGGHHH! MY NOSE! YOU BROKE EET!"

Pip clutched his bleeding shnozz in agony, but got very little sympathy from either Seras or Alucard (who was laughing his anus off).

"That's what you get! Keep your sexist comments to yourself next time!" Seras shouted angrily.

Just then, she let out a little gasp. "Oh, that's right! I almost forgot! Master, I wanted to ask you something..."

Seras suddenly looked quite embarassed, leading both Alucard and Pip to wonder what her question might be.

"You're blushing, police girl," Alucard smirked. "That kind of face is normally reserved for 'Where do babies come from?' and 'Will you go to the prom with me?'..."

"N-no!" she laughed nervously. "It's nothing like that! It's just... I have a question about vampires."

"Heh. Why not ask yourself?" Pip quipped sarcastically.

Seras mumbled, "I know, I know. That's why I felt sort of silly asking. Still, I am new at this, and I haven't learned everything yet. Do you mind, Master?"

Alucard put down his gun and folded his arms behind his head. "Why not? Ask away, Seras."

The former police girl sighed in relief. "Oh, good! This has been bothering me for weeks now."

"Actually, it's about that night in Cheddar," she began. "After you shot me, I remember you leaning down close to me and biting my neck, but I passed out right after that. It's just that--I was wondering why I turned into a vampire; most vampire-related deaths turn people into ghouls..."

"Ah, so that's it..." he nodded. "I could sense that you've been having trouble sleeping for the past few nights; you should have asked me earlier."

Alucard unfolded his arms and stared intently at his young charge. "Well, police girl, it's like this: most casualties of the undead DO become ghouls. Anyone who dies from physical contact with a vampire (such as a bite, punch, kick, ect.) becomes one; so do people who are injured or killed by other ghouls. The difference, Seras, is the blood."

"Like zee blood type?" asked Pip, confused. "I've got O negative, myself..."

Alucard's stomach rumbled. "Come to think of it, I'm really hungry..." he thought out loud.

Pip yelped and hopped behind his chair, causing Alucard to almost die (again) laughing! "Don't worry, kid. I'm not really into French food!" he assured the frightened mercenary.

"Master! You were saying?!" Seras yelled impatiently. Pip slid back into his seat, but kept a cautious eye on the thirsty bloodsucker.

Alucard sighed and pushed his shades up a little. "I meant _my_ blood. When I bit you, it wasn't just a drain; it was also a transfer. After drinking your blood, I replaced it with some of my own. _That_ is why you're a servant vampire instead of a ghoul."

"By the way," Alucard continued, an odd gleam in his eye, "just in case you were wondering, there are two things needed to become a true nosferatu after that. The first is to drink the blood of the vampire who created you; a lot of it, mind you. It only takes a little bit of blood to become a servant vampire, but becoming a **true** vampire requires something like a half-gallon. The other requirement is to drink human blood 'fresh from the tap', so to speak."

Alucard suddenly lurched toward Seras, startling her! He finally stopped a few inches away from her face, wearing a twisted grin. "Speaking of that, I don't suppose you've changed your mind about my offer, Seras Victoria?"

"N-no, master," Seras replied nervously. "I don't like the first requirement, and I'd rather **die** than fulfill the second! I--I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel about it..."

Alucard looked a little disappointed, but calmly withdrew and sat back down. "Don't worry, police girl; I won't force you. As always, the choice is yours to make. (_Hmph!_)Your loss, though."

"Thank you, Master..." she sighed, relieved that he hadn't pushed the subject.

"Umm... Hold zee phone, Monsieur Alucard!" Pip spoke up. "Zere is still one thing I do not understand: how do you give her the blood?"

Seras raised her eyebrows, surprised to hear something intelligent come from Pip's mouth. "Hey, that's right! How _does_ that work, anyway?"

She opened her mouth and tapped her left fang with her pointer finger. "Do you shoot it through your fangs like a snake or something?"

Alucard chuckled quietly. "I'm afraid I don't come equipped with such a handy device. I bit a hole in my tongue and pressed it up against the gaping bite wound in your neck."

Seras's and Pip's eyes bulged out of their heads. For a second, neither spoke.

Finally, Seras laughed nervously. "Haha! You're such a kidder, Master!"

The "No-Life-King" stared at his fledgeling, quite puzzled. "Who's kidding?" he asked.

Seras turned green, and Pip sweatdropped.

"Oh, man..." Pip muttered, "zat's really disgusting..."

Seras looked as if she was about to cry, but instead, she bolted from her chair and ran for the door!

"**MASTER!!! YOU'RE _SOOOOOOO_ GROSS!!!**" she wailed as she slammed it shut, leaving Pip and Alucard in awkward silence.

A few seconds later, Walter entered the building, carrying a kleenex box and looking thoroughly confused. He walked over to the mercenary and the vampire, eying them inquiringly.

"Thanks for filling in for me, Alucard. You have no idea how much I appreciate it," the old butler said before blowing his nose. "By the way, what the devil was wrong with Miss Victoria? I met her on my way here, and she was screaming something about 'disinfecting her neck'! I don't suppose you know what she's talking about?"

Alucard and Pip took one look at each other and fell out of their chairs laughing!

THE END

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Hey, there! I hope you enjoyed reading this fic, because I sure had fun writing it!

You may be wondering what inspired this little work of insanity. Well, here goes: I was looking at the manga recently, and noticed that the "vampirism rules" there were very clearly defined. The anime, on the other hand, was **much** less clear, only vaugely saying that becoming a vampire requires some of the original vampire's blood, and that almost all other victims become ghouls. I thought I would give _my_ take on the anime version's "vampire process" and attempt to entertain while doing so.

Anyway, I hope you liked it, but please give me a review regardless! Until next time, folks...


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